Humor Motherhood

A First Time Mom’s 4 Best (Technological) Friends

February 1, 2018
First Time Mom

First time moms get a lot of advice about the gadgets and gear they’ll need after their babies are born. This is not that type of list.

Sure, you may be interested in the latest advancements in baby swing technology, but, for at least the first several weeks, your little bundle will likely be more interested in the innovative crook of your arm than whatever new flying saucer 4moms has on the market.

I wouldn’t deny any new parent the latest bouncer, Boppy, or bottle warmer—it is a rite of passage for new parents to fill their abodes with twelve different lounging pillows, forty-five new swaddle blankets, and six variations of what essentially amounts to a basket on wheels before finally realizing their child will sleep in anything and anywhere as long as it is directly on top of them.

That said, brand new moms definitely need help during those early days. Thankfully, technological innovation is a first time mom’s best friend.

God only knows what parents did in the days before pay-at-the pump gas stations and drive-thru Starbucks (no, seriously, what did parents do?).

New parenthood is tiring. It helps to let the machines do the work for you. These are a first time mom’s four best (technological) friends.

First Time Mom

Amazon Prime

First Time Mom

Can you hear it? That’s the sound of a chorus of angels singing.

Or at least that is how it will feel when you’re one week postpartum, haven’t left your house since you returned home from the hospital (there may have been a pediatrician visit or two thrown in there, but that could have been a fever dream), can’t remember your last hot meal, haven’t peeled your baby off of you since the doctor announced “it’s a boy,” just realized your nesting instincts didn’t remind you to buy baby wipes and toothpaste, and you hear the glorious THUD of a Prime package arriving on your porch.

Amazon Prime is a life saver. Can’t find that tube of lip balm you threw into your hospital bag a month ago? Prime it.

Everyone lied and your little one actually does need those newborn size diapers after all? Prime it?

Lost your sanity? Prime it. Err, you get the picture.

You will leave your house eventually after having a baby (promise!), but in the meantime, having the essentials sent to your home at the push of a button will make you feel as though you aren’t a grizzly recluse cast away from society.

Opening a postpartum Prime package is like opening a mystical time capsule from 48 hours ago, only better, because a postpartum Prime package has snacks and fresh t-shirts.

Netflix

First Time Mom

In addition to your friend Amazon Prime, you will get up close and personal with your other best friend, Netflix.

Newborn babies eat and sleep a lot, most of the time while tethered to, or at least very close to, their moms.

There won’t be a whole lot of opportunities for interpretive dance during those early weeks, and regardless of whether your nature is up and at ‘em or couch potato, you will likely spend a lot of time hanging out in bed, on your couch, or on that expensive glider in the nursery while your baby eats…and eats…and eats, and maybe sleeps.

You will, of course, spend hours staring lovingly at your little cherub, and rightfully so.

But, eventually, you will look up, and unless you like staring at the wall, you will likely end up catching a few (hundred) episodes of your favorite show.

Voice Texting

First Time Mom

Do you have three hands? No? Then you may want to consider using voice text if you don’t already.

I had never used my phone’s voice texting feature before I had my son.

What can I say? I’m old fashioned and don’t like to speak into my phone unless it’s directly into someone’s voice mailbox when I call at a time I know they won’t pick up.

You will spend approximately one-hundred-and-seven percent of your day cradling, feeding, or snuggling your baby, which will occupy at least one of your arms.

Your remaining arm will be used to eat or drink, and, of course, hold your phone so you can text friends and gawk/recoil/gaze whimsically at social media.

At some point, you’ll want to type more than a single word to those friends and unless you possess Gumby-like dexterity, texting with one hand will get old.

Your baby will also appreciate you not dropping your phone on their head as you passionately argue on your mommy board about the relative merits of cloth-diapers versus regular and co-sleeping versus never sleeping again.

Smartphones in General

First Time Mom

In addition to kindly storing access to Amazon Prime, Netflix, voice text, and all your friends, smartphones offer several other features helpful to new moms.

Need to check your baby’s weekly milestones? There’s an app for that. Need to track feedings? There’s an app for that, too.

You could buy a sheep-shaped sound machine to play gentle ocean waves so your baby can sleep, or you can download the same thing on your phone and carry it with you all throughout your house, your friends’ houses, your car, and the grocery store.

Don’t want to throw on the lights for a midnight feeding and the nightlight is in the nursery where your baby still doesn’t sleep? Use your phone’s handy dandy flashlight while you stumble around and change diapers.

In sum: your smartphone will save your sanity. So, try to keep it charged.

New moms receive a lot of advice about what to buy before the baby comes.

These four technological innovations are the only thing a mom absolutely needs. Prime will take care of the rest.

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