Humor Motherhood

The 5 Things You’ll Forget as a New Mom

December 1, 2017
new mom

When I was a brand new mom, I found myself suddenly forgetful about almost everything in my life.

Having a baby ushers in a whole new world of things to remember.

In addition to the basics–remembering to feed, clothe, and diaper your baby–there is also the matter of remembering an entirely new set of stats for this brand new person: first, middle, and last names; heights and weights that change faster than the seasons; and a new birth date and Social Security number.

Not to mention all the other numbers you’ll have to commit to memory: the pediatrician, poison control, and the nearest pizza place for when all of this remembering inevitably makes you forget to make dinner.

Here are the other things you’ll forget as a new mom:

1. Your Wallet

new mom

Most likely, you never had a reason to carry a diaper bag pre-baby. Before I had my son, I carried a variety of cute handbags that I would carefully pick out and match to the day’s events. I had one wallet, and whenever I’d swap out a bag, I had the time and wherewithal to ensure that my wallet and whatever else I wanted to bring was in my new bag before I went out.

Post-baby, I still had nice bags, but most of the time, I was stuck carrying an overstuffed Vera Bradley diaper bag that was supposed to whisper “chic mom” but instead screamed “confused, help me.”

I didn’t always keep my wallet in the diaper bag, and on several occasions early in my son’s life, I left the house with him and my burgeoning baby bag only to realize later that I forgot my wallet at home.

Being a new mom, the journey to even get out the door was like climbing Everest, and realizing that I forgot my wallet was like realizing that I didn’t have my climbing gear.

Strangely, each time that I came to this distressing realization, it happened in a Starbucks drive-thru after I placed my order, but before I paid (because of course).

Very likely, you too will forget your wallet at a crucial moment, though I pray that it is not as important a time as being in line at Starbucks.

2. Special Occasions

new mom

Pre-baby, I was the Queen of Birthdays. I had everyone’s birthday preset on my calendar, and when someone’s special day came, my gift to them was often the first gift they received.

Frequently, I led the charge on birthday parties, in addition to anniversary gatherings, graduation celebrations, summer bashes, and anything else that warranted personalized gifts, cake, and a cheese platter.

After having my son, however, the only special occasions I was able to recognize with consistency were the ones that involved sleep.

Sister’s birthday? I’m sorry, but this Amazon gift card sent two months late will have to suffice.

Baby only woke up once last night? Party time.

3. To Pay your Bills/Renew Something

New Mom

When my son was about six months old, I somehow managed to forget to pay three different bills.

Each time, I resolved the issue and got the company to waive the late fees, but by the third time, I was gritting my teeth as I proclaimed “this has never happened to me before.”

Around that same time, my husband found a months’ old letter from the DMV stating that it was time to renew my vehicle registration. Of course, I had forgotten to do that as well.

Maybe you won’t forget to pay your bills or renew your car registration during the first year of your child’s life, but I guarantee, you will forget something, and it will make you feel like a delinquent adult.

4. The Day/Month/Year

new mom

 

My son was born on the cusp of late winter/early spring. Following his birth, I barely knew what hour it was most days, let alone what day of the week or month it was.

I returned to work during the summer, and, following my return, I continued existing in the timeless vortex recognizable only to new moms.

In early fall, a couple of months after my return to work, I participated in a networking event at my alma mater with a group of first and second year law students.

Typically, in the early fall, first year law students are engrossed in their studies and not allowed to look for outside employment. I should have been aware of this, and yet, I was somehow operating under the belief that it was late spring instead of early fall.

During the event, I kept wondering why every student casually responded “no” when I asked if they had found a summer job yet. I spent the entire event thinking to myself that this class of students was bizarrely unmotivated until I realized that it was early October and not late May. New mom fail.

5. A Spare Outfit

new mom

At some point during the first year of your baby’s life, you will forget to bring a spare outfit.

When this happens, you will find yourself frozen dead in your tracks as you hover, panicked, over a plastic changing table in a public bathroom.

You will find yourself wrapping your baby in a blanket, or a sweatshirt, or whatever you can find that will allow you to escape to the exit with some dignity and grace and not result in a call to CPS.

You will rush outside with your blanket baby into questionable weather, hoping none of your neighbors want to stop and chat when you get home.

It’s OK–it happens to the best of us.

Yes, at some point during the first year of your baby’s life, you will forget something that will make you wonder what happened to the composed, competent adult that existed before your little bundle came into the world.

Hopefully you don’t also forget to laugh.

Did you ever forget something important during your first year as a new mom?

Let me know in the comments or on social media!

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